Jan 15 2009
Make Up After Makeup
So, I’m sitting here on the computer trying to catch up with some other work (since I do have a life outside this blog) when my wife opens the door and asks me what I think.
“About what?” I ask as I’m looking up. Then I see her face. “What happened?” I ask immediately. “Why have you been crying? Did someone get hurt?”
At this point in time, I have no idea what’s going on. She just turns bright red, gets seething angry, and walks out shutting the door behind her. I’m completely clueless (as usual) and follow her out thinking that someone has died and she can’t bring herself to even say it.
As she goes into the bathroom loudly locking the door behind her, I’m standing in the living room like an idiot counting my children to make sure they’re all still there. I’m about to go ask her what’s going on when my daughter chimes in and tells me that she was trying out a new eye makeup method she found on Pursebuzz.
For those of you that have never heard of it, Pursebuzz is a makeup and cosmetics advice site loaded with YouTube videos explaining how to do all sorts of beauty-related stuff. It’s run by a young, Asian girl who seemingly has no end of enthusiasm for her chosen subject. My wife and oldest daughters love it. They try to show me the stuff, but it’s like watching someone putting pin-striping on a Ferrari; you just sit there wondering why.
Anyway, I now face the onerous task of making up for my lack of perception–not an unusual circumstance for me. Apparently, I was supposed to be impressed by how strikingly beautiful her eyes were after applying this new method. I was NOT (under any circumstances) supposed to think that she’d been crying.
You’d think that after all these years, I would be exceptionally good at this–or exceptionally good at preventing this from happening–but no. I’m still completely in the dark as to how these things happen and what to do about them. Any ideas out there?
Lesson Learned:
Keep your mouth shut until you know all the facts.
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Sorry, I don’t wear makeup and never have. It never seems to bother my husband and who else matters?
You could use the same response that my husband uses “Sorry, honey, but my eyes are kind of gummed up today and I can’t focus well. It must be some kind of allergy.” Rub your eyes a bit and look really sorry that you can’t see what it is she wants you to see.
Love your blog!
Awe yes, a life outside of blogging. What’s that like again? Kidding, I go back on Tuesday to work on my doctorate, I won’t have much time for anything.
Love the site by the way, you are featured on mine today.
www.friendsrevolution.com
I was tempted to click on that link, but decided against it
I can’t stand eye makeup. Especially wearing it. Especially wearing it in large quantities.
Also, Asian women tend to look better with a different style of eye makeup. I’ve seen white girls like me with big, round eyes and fair skin try that ‘bring it to the point at the edge of the eye to look more Asian and therefore exotic’ thing and it just looks stupid. When I do that, I look like an Irish chick who has gotten into a fight at the pub.
Good luck, man!
@stephanieebarr: I have been trying to convince my wife that she doesn’t need makeup for the last 16 years. No one who has met her ever believes that she’s in her forties when they find out her age–especially so when they find out that she’s had four children. She’s the only one who doesn’t see her own beauty–inside or out.
@Justin: I’m guessing that passing the clown comment along would not improve my situation. I mean, I have gotten a little better at this. It wasn’t quite that bad, but I’m just not used to seeing her with that much makeup.
@ettarose: Twenty years?!? That means that I’ve still got four more years before I begin to figure this out. By the way, the being fair thing; that was really funny. What a great joke. Ha, ha, it is to laugh.
@countrygirl: Oh, that is so awesome. I’m writing that one down for future reference. Pass some more of those my way.
@Insanity Kim: I AGREE, but the heads-up thing just doesn’t happen. I’m supposed to see and know these things despite the fact that I’ve been pulling out the exact same suits and shirts for I don’t know how many years and I’m still asking which of the exact same ties to wear with them.
@Aria’z Ink: Are you out of your mind?!? Using the F-word to refer to one’s wife is definitely not a smart move.
That wouldn’t get me the couch. That would get me out in the snow under the deck.
@lannaxe96: It took me a while of looking around your site to figure out what you meant by featured. I’m guessing that you were referring to my Entrecard ad. Anyway, thanks for kind words, and I hope you have time soon to get back to your blog.
@Stacy: I think that this was one of those unplanned things that just came out all wrong. It wasn’t a “hold a grudge” kind of anger.
@madrigalblue: As they say, “This to shall pass.”
Over the last few years, I can count the number of times on one hand that I have put on makeup. When I do up and put the whole shabang on, my husband and daughter automatically ask where I am going all dressed up.
I have an award waiting for you at: http://waveweaver.today.com/
Your blog caught my attention!
You do try so hard. To be fair…I would have just pointed it out and said something like “Look honey, what do you think about my new eye shadow.” If you fail to notice after that…I would not be a happy camper:(
I know many men that hate make up lol and others that love women all dolled up and think that most of the time women do all this to loo appealing to the men eheh
@Jennifer: Thanks, Jennifer, for both the nice comment and for stopping by. I do appreciate that someone out there is sharing these posts with their husband. All the other women keep saying that they don’t want their husbands to see my blog since I might give them ideas. I guess they think that I’m a bad influence that only other women know how to deal with.
@Robin Green: My wife and daughters are all into the whole makeup and beauty thing. I have a bathroom full of bottles and tubes of who knows what that they refer to collectively and individually as “product.” Their conversations about all of that stuff seems like English, but I don’t get half of what they’re saying. I just know that my one bathroom is tied up way longer than I find comfortable. It’s a good thing that we live in a forest.
@Jacqueline: As far as I can tell, makeup is Spackle and spray paint designed for people. That’s the full extent of my thinking. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and commenting.
@icybc: Thanks, icybc. I really appreciate that, but, unfortunately, as I’ve had to say before, I really can’t accept the award. I’m glad that my blog managed to catch your attention. I hope that you’ll keep coming by to comment.
@curlydesign: To be totally fair, I do the same thing to her with stuff I’ve done around the house. I ask her what she thinks, and she has no idea what I’m talking about. Then I have to go show her that I put all the dishes away from the dishwasher. I bet you can guess just how thrilled she is with me for that.
@Manz: I can just picture that. “Wow, love the new hair.” SLAM. Anyway, thanks for joining us here, Manz. I always appreciate new commenters.
@yanjiaren: One of the few secrets about women that I’ve actually managed to figure out is that women spend more time worrying about what other women will think of them than what men think. In my experience, women are their own worst enemy.
Hmph. I agree with a lot of the other posts. Your wife could have at LEAST said, “What do you think of my new eye makeup?”. Since she didn’t I can’t believe she stormed off to lock herself in the bathroom when you didn’t know wtf was going on.
I don’t expect my husband to automatically notice something different about me, but if he does notice I expect him to tell me out right if it looks okay or not. We promised very early on not to get upset or offended with each other’s honest opinions. It’s working out just fine so far.
This was highly amusing obviously not for you being on the recieving end of it but, it wasn’t your fault. Your a man not supposed to know about make up. There would be something wrong if you knew everything about make up!
All the best to you.
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[EDIT]…extra link removed…[/EDIT]
http://www.action.today.com
you made me laugh,,LOL,,, i can not beleive that you did the same as my husband,, and i keep telling myself he will notice,,:-)
i loved your blog
@Jennie: Wow, I must have told the story wrong since you’re not the first to take this post a little too seriously. I apologize for that. I didn’t mean to imply that she was angry at me. She was embarrassed. Humor of the type I try to share here can be iffy sometimes–especially when I get in a hurry and forget that you can’t clue in on my facial expressions or tone of voice. Just remember that I don’t post anything here out of anger; it’s all meant to be light-hearted, fun, and relaxing.
@Aria’z Ink: Thanks, Aria. I wish all those awards didn’t have the link requirements that they do. Even my SOB award listed in the sidebar only has the requirement to link back to the one site that bestowed it on me, and even that link is mostly to prove that the award is genuine. I always end up feeling bad since I know that those people are really trying to give me an honor. By the way, in case you’ve never noticed, the award I’ve given you is that you’ve been in my blogroll almost since the first post I read from your blog. I also try to comment when I can. Take care.
@gagay: Hey, gagay. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
@mickie31: Thanks, mickie31. The fact is that I now know far more female-related things than I ever wanted to know in my entire life.
@dania: Hey, dania, welcome. Glad you could stop by. I’m steadily discovering that all my “bad habits” aren’t quite as unique to me as my wife would like me to think. I hope you’ll come back by soon.