Dec 19 2008
The Terrible Illness
Now that thehabe has thrown down the gauntlet , impugning my poetic skills, I feel it necessary to defend my honor. (It’s a guy thing.) Her little, houti touti Sunny Poem for a Winter’s Day is nothing compared to my real life poetic expressions.
The idea that I can’t be sensitive, caring, poetic, and artistic just flies in the face of all the evidence here to the contrary. Can’t you tell from my previous posts that I’m a sensitive, caring guy?
Oh, c’mon, do you have any idea how many chick flicks I’ve had to sit through in my house? I hold back 90% of the snide comments that come into my head. I cover my mouth while laughing at the climactic sad scenes. I mean, shoot, I’ve had to sit through movies with Delta Burke in a leading role. What more do you want from me?
Therefore, it is with utmost dignity, that I present the following poem that I wrote for my kids several years ago. It’s especially fitting this time of year.
(Hey, where’s my drumroll? There was supposed to be a drumroll.)
The Terrible Illness
I went to see the doctor
With aches and pains galore.
The doctor checked me over,
And then he checked me more.He looked into my eyeball.
He looked into my ear.
He looked way deep down in my throat,
And then he checked my rear.He listened to my heartbeat.
He listened to my lungs.
He listened to my belly
And told me not to hum.He took a batch of blood out.
He told to get up.
He sent me to the bathroom
To fill a little cup.He said he knew what I had.
He said he was no fool.
He said I had a math test,
And now get back to school.
HAH!!! Take that, thehabe.
Lesson Learned:
Sensitivity is in the eye of the beholder.
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Fatty watty was a toad
Fatty watty got smashed on the road
Fatty watty wasn’t fat after that
He was flat.
(I’m actually a superlative poet of the kind of epic masterpieces positively no one wants to read.)
Totally off-topic to your post, but I was wondering how you go the social bookmarking buttons into the bottom of your post (Digg, Stumble, etc.) - is there an easy way to do this, or do you code it by hand on each post?
@stephanieebarr: Truly epic. I was riveted. Such a sad and touching ending.
@Carrie: Nope, no easy way. I copy and paste those into the end of every post with code changes for the links. There are plugins that will do that automatically, but we don’t have access to them on Today.
@Kim: Good ole perky, happy Meg. Isn’t she cute? She’s like a permanent 12-year-old. Speaking of doctors, I wonder how long plastic surgery can keep her that way.
Oh I loved that post. Brought back so many memories
Thanks for the quick answer!
Great poem! Really sensitive (joke).
Davida
That poem is a classic…and chick flicks are great. You know when the girls are gone and you miss them you plop down on the coach and watch Lifetime movies…okay maybe not:)
Funny stuff! At least you did not rhyme with stool (as in sample of stool). That’s where I thought you were going! I usually watch chick flicks with friends or fam; my fiance and I watch action/sci-fi together.
There is nothing quite so poetic as that line
“And then he checked my rear.”
I stand corrected. A poetic master is among us… Yeah, at Careermysteries.today.com.
@Justin: The art of hooky. Skating the fine line between being sent to school anyway or being sent to the doctor.
@jodapoet: Thanks, jodapoet. That’s fine praise coming from you.
@Carrie: No problem.
@attygnorris: I rest my case. Sensitivity to me is…well, it’s a word I looked up once, but that’s beside the point.
@luz: Thanks for stopping by, luz. Even more than the EC drop, I appreciate that you took the time to comment.
@curlydesign: Maybe not, indeed! Don’t be giving people such ideas about me. On the flip side, though, I’ve noticed that the movies I really like aren’t nearly as enjoyable without them here to be bothered.
@Bob: There’s a marriage made in heaven–or at least the heavens. I’ve always been a science fiction fanatic. By the way, just to let everyone know, Bob’s site on on Blackholes and astrostuff is one of my regular stops. The pictures are awesome. (Don’t tell anyone, but I occasionally learn something new–accidentally, of course.)
@Stacy: Glad to be of service, Stacy. Your husband has it easy. I’m outnumbered four to one.
@madrigalblue: Sample of stool??? Even I have my limits. Besides, things that rhyme with stool (like pool and drool) would bring up terrible mental pictures.
@Therese: Yes, that line was quite inspirational, wasn’t it? The shear pathos of it. Didn’t your heart just go out to that poor kid in that moment? Anyway, now that you’ve learned your lesson, I will forgive you your transgression. Just remember always that when it comes to poetry, I’m full of it.
Congratulations you have recived an award on my Blog, come check it out.
@leahsfrog: I’m not sure what you’re referring to here. I looked at your linked blog and found nothing related to an award. I do however appreciate that you stopped by.