Dec 08 2008
In Need of a Good Brainwashing
Okay, I’m going to share this with you at great personal risk to my own mental and emotional well-being:
I was just passing through the living room, minding my own business when I spot a load of clean laundry sitting on the couch waiting to be folded. I don’t know what came over me, but I decided to sit down and fold it–you know, be helpful. (Don’t scough. It happens.)
Anyway, as I’m folding and sorting clothes, I come across a very slinky thong. Cool, huh? I quickly shove it in my pocket and go looking for my wife. That’s right, I’m suddenly Mr. Happy. When I find her in the bedroom, I pull out the thong, dangle it in front of her, and ask, “So, what kind of plans did you have for this, hmmmm?” I’m even doing the Groucho Marx eyebrow raising thing. (I know it’s pathetic, but I couldn’t help myself.)
“That’s not mine,” she says.
“Huh? How the heck could we have accidentally gotten someone else’s thong?” Clearly, asking stupid and regrettable questions is what I was born to do.
“We do have a grown daughter, you know?”
“We what?!?” 
“You mean…” 
“…this is…” “No way.” “Oh, this is just wrong on so many levels.”
Now I’m stuck carrying the thing at arms length back to the laundry basket wishing I had a radiation suit or something and wondering whether even Liquid Drano could get this whole thing out of my head. I’m sorry, there are just some things that fathers should never ever know about their daughters. Thong usage is one of those.
So the question is, where exactly does one go for a good brainwashing?
Lesson Learned:
Never ever do any extra chores. (I’m a guy; what exactly did you expect me to learn from that?)
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Lmaooooo again@you. I love coming here and reading your funnies. It makes me feel less bad about my open mouth insert entire leg times. Such as this morning.. My boyfriend was making fun of me about liking oatmeal. He said “no matter how much flavoring you put in it, it’s still nothing but white goo” to which I replied in a rather loud voice “But I love my warm white goo dammit!” The mother in the aisle in front of me has probably never pushed a grocery cart in the opposite direction so fast. *insert red face*
Very, very funny! I have teenage daughters also and I know exactly what you mean. (Even if I am not the man of the house.)
Wow, ha ha, he he… I saw that one coming to. My dad picked a pair of mine recentluyand turned about eight shades of red and walked away. Think of it this way…at least you know she wears underwear:))
Hilarious!!! See what you get for being helpful?
Ah man! haha That reminds me of that Bill Engall show or whatever. Not a fun time.
I so needed this today. Still guffawing. Reminds me when I found a condom wrapper in my son’s jeans pocket. Keep writing!
You crack me up.
Just keep in mind (for your sanity) that girls often wear thongs just so they have no panty lines, not always for other reasons….
@Justin: In my case, it’s in front of the computer, blogging whatever the heck I want.
@Jen: The real question is, “Why don’t I ever see these things coming?”
@nipsy: Thanks for that. It makes me feel a little better about it. By the way, the woman running away deserved what she got for having a dirty mind. On the other hand, your boyfriend probably got approving looks and high fives from all the guys in the store.
@Kat: It’s just hard to think of our children growing up. All of the connotations that go with it make it even worse.
@curlydesign: That’s not underwear; that’s a string with delusions of grandeur.
@jodapoet: A mistake I plan to avoid in the future.
@Dan Brantley: If I tried that line on my wife, she probably would have fed them to me.
@loislane26: It was definitely a “Here’s Your Sign” moment.
@Dan: Thanks for stopping by, commenting, and even subscribing. I’m glad I could give you a laugh. Now for the bad news, every girl’s father has suspicions about any guy that hangs around their daughter. My guess is that he knows. Steer clear of power tools and sharp utensils.
@stella: YIKES!!! I’m really glad you stopped by and commented and all, but YIKES!!!
@Kelly: That’s exactly what my daughter told me. I’m really hoping to run with that theory.
@the human: Amen.
Oddly, the lesson you should have taken from that was not to steal jokes from Bill Engval and print them as your own, clown.
A lot of girls wear thongs either to avoid panty lines or because they think they’re more comfortable. Or because that’s what pretty much every girl between 16 and 30 wears these days. I wouldn’t freak out too much.
And hey, at least you never knew until you found one. Some girls walk around with them showing all the time.
By the way, I’m adding your blog to both of my blogrolls. Feel free to check out my blogs and link back if you want. Thanks!
http://thezspot.today.com
[EDIT]…extra link removed…[/EDIT]
@joe: I just checked on Google and discovered that Bill Engvall did indeed do some commercials (which I haven’t seen) about his daughter’s thong. However, I did not steal his material. The fact is that I don’t see any way I could write about being a guy in a house full of females and not hit subjects that others have found amusing as well. Look through the rest of my posts here and you’ll see that they all run out of the same vein. I do hope that you’ll come back and check out more.
@Julia: You know what they say about the best laid plans? Oh, wait, that’s mice and men, maybe women have a better chance. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it.
@Justin: Thanks for the support, Justin, however, I’d really prefer to keep the mood here a little lighter. My guess is that he was sincere in his comment after one brief look at this one post and really thought that I had stolen that material. I’m hoping that he’ll come back, have a look around, and realize that this isn’t that kind of place.
@gamingtips: Thanks for stopping by and adding me to your blogrolls. I appreciate it along with the comment. Sorry I had to edit out the extra link, but I try to limit everyone to just one. I don’t want to become a target for spammers.
See, that’s hilarious enough, but my dad actually gets me thongs….every year…..for Christmas….-headdesk- xD It’s sweet, but I neverever wear ‘em
I may never get the image of you doing this out of my head. that is the best laugh I have had in a while. Oh my, I can just picture the whole thing. You poor guy. LOL LOL LOL
@Han-chan: My guess is that your father is using some kind of reverse psychology on you. We’re known for trying crazy schemes like that. Also, thanks for stopping by and commenting.
@Justin: That one goes to the bottom drawer under Aunt Mary’s homemade sequin jacket.
@cathycouey: My daughter finally read this post yesterday and burst out laughing. She wanted to know why I never told her about this. Now she likes to threaten to pull them out in front of me. See what I get for sharing.
@Comedy Plus: Thanks for stopping by, Comedy Plus. I’m always dropping by your blog for a quick chuckle. I love the 1955 series. I just hate to comment on Blogspot since they force you onto a separate page.
Oh come on, this was the story line on one of the sit coms a few months ago.
@”Wendy”: Okay, Joe. You had your say. No one’s making you come here. Shoot, I even went and left a nice comment on your blog the other day. I don’t know what you’re looking for, but it isn’t here.
I just wanted to drop by and tell you thank you for trying to comment to whichever post you tried to comment on. I am not sure why I cannot get any comments, I don’t have it set to moderation, I even set it to where non registered users can comment.. but yet, I still cannot get any, and there is nothing sitting in awaiting approval either. SO odd. But, I’m glad I stumbled your way, I’ve been enjoying your blog very much! The thong thing made me cringe and lol all in one, I have a 2 year old daughter, and I dread that day!
So, as a newbie, may I ask - is there a way to friend interesting bloggers you’d like to read every day or something around here? And if you have any tips on what I may be doing wrong to where I cannot get comments, oh boy,, I’d appreciate that! Yes - I’m a comment whore. *hah*
Please feel free to message me on here - or email me - [EDIT]…email address removed…[/EDIT] - unsure of whats best with this site, I’m used to sites such as livejournal.
Man you are funny. My slow, bad day just turned 180 degrees!
@gamecock46: Gamecock46??? Now, there’s a name I’m not man enough to wear in public. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I’m glad I could turn your day around, and I hope that you’ll return soon.