Nov 22 2008
TEETH: Once Bitten, Twice Shy
I’m going to share an embarrassing event with you that just happened to me the other night. Of course, I’m trusting in all of you to respond to this with the dignity it deserves. (You’re not snickering already, are you?)
Okay, let me set the scene here. There’s my wife, my 21-year-old daughter, and I trying to pick a movie we can all agree on. It happens once in a while, but I really wasn’t holding out much hope. I’m sitting at the computer having located a long list of movie titles and descriptions and reading them out loud one after the other in a continuous stream of words, making my total disinterest as crystal clear as I can. Picture this going on and on through about ten or fifteen movie listings as my wife and daughter grow ever more annoyed with me. And then it happens…I hit the movie Teeth.
That’s right, there’s me being as annoying as possible, droning on and on, and I’m halfway through the last sentence before it dawns on me what I’m saying out loud to my family. Then…dead silence. See for yourself:
TEETH
High school student Dawn works hard at suppressing her budding sexuality by being the local chastity group’s most active participant. Her task is made even more difficult by her bad boy stepbrother Brad’s increasingly provocative behavior at home. A stranger to her own body, innocent Dawn discovers she has a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence. As she struggles to comprehend her anatomical uniqueness, Dawn experiences both the pitfalls and the power of being a living example of the vagina dentata myth.
Of course, after that I tried to recover and go on reading as if nothing’s happened, but it’s far too late for that. They’re laughing their heads off behind me. I’ve turned bright red. There’s now no chance of going on without discussing this stupid movie.
Actually, there was no real discussion. There was just me trying to think of rational things to say so that I could put up some pretense of not being embarrassed, and there was them making every comment they could to try and make it worse for me.
You feel sorry for me, right??? A little?? No? Oh, sure, I get it. You’re just that kind of crowd. 
No, don’t bother trying to make up for it now. I can take it. I’m a man. :( Oh, poop…
Lesson Learned:
Read ahead, and pay attention, idiot!
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That is funny! What kind of movie is that?! If it makes you feel better, I would probably have done that too. I don’t always actually see what I am reading. I probably would have tried to fake that I knew what I was saying but was trying to be comically stoic.
I think I am going to be disturbed by that movie all day…. I have to watch something more bizarre to get the image of a vagina with teeth out of my mind. I would say that would be a man’s worst nightmare wouldn’t it?
~Kelly
http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/
It wasn’t until I read that!
Poor baby… probably have nightmares now, won’t you… I can just picture that… we women, love catching you guys in situations like that… Probably made your wife’s day!!!
that is craziness!
I’m new here (love your writing) and dont know how to subscribe to your feed. If you could help me figure that out that would be fantabulous. I will do so asap.
can’t wait for the next one
Sincerely
onmymind.today.com
(that’s probably weird, but there incase u wanna check me out as well)
An oafish ex of mine couldn’t wait to tell me about this movie a few months ago when they decided to make it.
I’ll say now what I said then.
“Wow. That’s stupid and gross.”
I, however, would have done exactly what you did probably so I am laughing with you, I assure you.
LMBO! Now that is funny as can be. I hate to laugh, but I can’t help it. Sorry, when I stop laughing I will write another comment.
I might possibly be a teeny weeny bit sorry for you… if I wasn’t busy laughing. My poor Dad had deal with 3 women Mom, my sister and myself. When we all got our cycles at the same time, he ran for cover.
Aliciahttp://todaystyle.today.com/
ROFLMaoooooooooooo… Well, I don’t feel so bad about all of my “foot in mouth” remarks I make daily. Glad to know you see the humor in it, and thanks for sharing..
Wow, see what happens if I leave for just a day or so? Now I have to play catch up on comments.
@ocmist: It did make my wife’s and daughter’s day. Now they won’t let me forget it.
@mandymcintyre: I forget sometimes that not everyone is loaded up with feed readers to keep an eye on RSS feeds. That’s why I’ve added a “Subscribe by email” function to the post and the sidebar. That should make things easier.
@anhonestwriter: Okay, that’s just oafish squared.
@Robin Green: I hope I haven’t killed you with laughter. Two days is a long time to be laughing, but thanks.
@curlydesign: Cycles??? Yeah, right. For cycles we sing “Circle of Life,” for PERIODS the song is “maneater.”
@nipsy: It’s always humorous when it’s someone else. I have to live with it. Now I wonder if I shouldn’t move on to a new topic or share yet another recent embarrassing moment of mine. I wish they were fewer and further between.
that is hilarious.
my husband has a video store - well until the end of the month, it is closing - somehow don’t think we ever carried that one though
@flit: It’s new. Sorry to hear about the video store. Once Blockbuster or Movie Gallery come into an area, all the local ones disappear.
@TOPolk: I never thought I’d say this as a lifetime fan of scary movies, but this one sounds just too scary for me. I don’t know if I could ever sleep again.